Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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