It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
