he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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