I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
