I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
