She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You ate ashes out of my bong
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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