it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
