I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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