please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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