So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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