Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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