look no pants
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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