what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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