My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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