Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
