True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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