She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Text me some of your sweat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
