Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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