paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
