It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
