there's paper in my vomit.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
