At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
