Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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