Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
