6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
