Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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