My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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