my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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