so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
