My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
