you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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