Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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