You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
