Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
