My nipple is on Facebook.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
