this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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