Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
