Cold hands, warm shart.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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