i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
