i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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