Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
