Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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