were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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