My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i think i just lost a toe
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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