Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
