My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
