we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm having to shit out rocks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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