fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
