The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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