I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
