The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize