Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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