K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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