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Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
