What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
