Your dad touched me again.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
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Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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