as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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