I'm gonna have a badass scar
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Rumble strips road head = magical
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
