Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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