I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
