ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
