I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
