id be glad to
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
