on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
