five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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