If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
