It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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