And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
