you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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