My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
