no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
