WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
