The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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