i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
