I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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