i need an iv and a liver transplant
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
