I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
