I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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