To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
